Never Let You Go
by AnonymousGhost123
Summary: What happens when a tragedy separates Kensi and Deeks almost forever? What is the twist that comes along? How will Kensi cope without Deeks? Sad story but, I promise if you read there will be a happy ending.
1. Chapter 1

**A.N: Had a great story idea come to me so I decide to end the inactivity I have had here and start to post again. I promise you that the story isn't as sad as it seems to be and if you stay to the end that you will be rewarded. I have done a Castle fanfic before but, this is my first NCIS: LA one so please don't hate. This is assuming that 3x10 never happened but everything else did.**

"So you're telling me that America's Got Talent is not as good as Top Model? Are you for really Kensi?" Asked Deeks, looking terrified.

The partners had been sitting outside a suspected people smuggling warehouse for the last 12 hours. NCIS had taken the case away from the hands of the LAPD as the main ring leader was suspected of the murder of a marine. The case had been one of those hard ones were all the leads died early and there was no evidence incriminating main leader. The only way to bring the man to justice was to observe him and his company. This meant stake outs for Kensi. Long all night stake outs with her one and only partner, Marty Deeks.

It was now quite dark and moonlight was the only source of light that illuminated Kensi's car. The nonstop banter from Deeks was starting to kill her. She just couldn't take it anymore; he hadn't stop talking since they had arrived from their secluded break. Even then, she had to defend her favorite show. Turning around to face Deeks, she looked him straight in the eyes.

"Deeks, Top Model has to be one of best shows on TV at the moment. You look at all of the other TV shows and they are rubbish. This show teaches women around America persistence and determination." She was interrupted by a light-hearted laugh and scoff by the shaggy haired man next to her.

"More like it teaches 15 year old girls around America how to have cat fights as well as how to put a pound of make-up on. When did anything beneficial come from that show?" Laughed Deeks. Glaring at him, she threw a light but, firm punch at his shoulder. The wince she got from him made it all worth while.

"Why do you care anyway, Deeks? Since when did you start watching so much TV? Come to think of it, it does explain all the weight you have been gaining. You do seem to be a little less fit as well. I noticed how Sam finished you in the gym the other day." Smirking, she leaned over and started to prod and poke his abdomen. What she felt surprised her a little bit. It was all soft and even… watery. Not hard and firm like it was meant to be. Not that she knew it ever was. It's not like she ever saw him without his shirt at the gym.

Looking at him, she suddenly realized that his face was pale and he was breathing heavily. His eyes were even glassy. Pulling back slowly she tried to assess him.

"Are you all right Deeks? I was joking with you..." She started. Clearing his throat and with a light shake of his head, he was back to his normal self.

"Yeah, I'm fine just thought of something just then. Don't worry Sugar Bear." With a quick smile, he looked away from her and picked up the camera that was on his lap.

Something was not right. What had she done? Was it something she had said? Looking down at her lap, Kensi asked herself all of these questions wondering what had just happened to her normally quiet and composed partner. Was he really that hurt by her telling him that he was gaining weight? He knew she was joking. Right? They always joke. They never take each other too seriously; when they do they know that the other is being serious as well. He had to know that? Right?

Looking back up from her lap she knew that she had to fix what ever she had done before it became something big between them. Who knew with them? Seriously, nothing could become something and something could become nothing.

"Look Deeks, I'm sorry I didn't mean to…" She started off. She didn't get to finish before he cut her off.

"Fern, don't worry it was nothing. I must have had a short black out or something with the smell of all the twinkies you have been eating." Grinned Deeks. With that they were back to normal. Just like nothing had happened.

Sensing the mood and topic need to be changed, Kensi decided to try and create the conversation that they were just having.

"So since when did you start watching so much TV? Last time I came over, you lost your TV remote and we spent 15 minutes trying to look for it." She laughed. She could tell that her attempt at lighting up the mood was falling flat.

Looking away from the camera, Deeks turned to her shaking his head remembering that night. Slowly laughing as well he replied.

"Yeah I remember that. Remember how it turned out that you had just sat on it and when _I _spent 15 minutes looking for it while _you_ just sat there shouting at me?" Glaring at him, she could see that he knew she didn't find any humor in what he just said. Trying to avoid another punch, Deeks quickly tried to backtrack.

"I don't know Kens, I guess your reality TV shows habits have started to rub off on me." Shrugging his shoulders, he turned back to his camera to continue his surveillance.

The silence that followed occupied the car for quite a while; the two partners sayings things they wish they could in their heads. The dark night, illuminated by the moon, only added to the mood.

Kensi was left speechless as she wondered what had just happened to her partner. He was talking non-stop only few seconds ago. What had happened? He told her that he had a black out or something like that but shouldn't that mean that he would be talking again? What happened? It was a sudden alert from her partner that awoke her from her deep thoughts.

"Kens, did you see that? I think I saw movement to the front of the warehouse." Whispered Deeks, his voice low in anticipation. Looking up, she picked up her binoculars that were on her lap and looked in the direction of the warehouse.

The warehouse was dark and the only source of light were the street lights around it. The sudden movement again, brought Kensi's attention to the front door of the warehouse. The door opened and a large buff man dressed in black leather, glanced out the door. Having no suspicions, he ducked his head back in and the door closed momentarily leaving the street as it was moments earlier.

Next to her, Kensi could hear the shutter of the camera going off furiously as the man next to her fired off surveillance photos.

The peace only lasted a few seconds though as the large man pushed open the door again; this time not alone. Dragging in his left hand was a body. Not a live one, as a person might expect but, a limp lifeless body in a marine's uniform.

"Deeks, thats a body! Time to move! Go, Go!" Kensi ushered. Deeks quickly took a gulp of his water bottle before he left with his partner. Two quiet clicks of seat belts and doors closing were the only things heard as the two partners silently moved towards the warehouse.

Reaching the corner of the warehouse, the two detectives pressed the bodies against the cold steel of the walls. Taking the lead, Deeks held his fist up towards Kensi and pulled out his standard issue, Glock 21. Signaling that he was going to go first, Kensi acknowledged and shook her head to say that she would follow. Pressing the comms in her ear, Kensi alerted Eric and Nell of the situation.

"We have already got eyes on you, Kens" Was the reply she got back quickly. Glancing at the street cams, Kensi nodded hoping Eric and Nell would see.

With deep breaths, Kensi prepared herself. It was moments like these that she appreciated the true beauty of her partnership with Deeks. They were easily able to slip in and out of their joking selves and into their serious, federal agents selves. Together they worked as a fine team. They were definitely smooth operators.

Giving a count down with his fingers, Deeks took the corner smoothly and signaled to Kensi that he would take care of the man in the black leather jacket. Kensi watched as Deeks approached the man as quietly as possible. That was when the first mistake occurred.

Sensing a presence behind him, the man turned around and to his definite surprise he saw Deeks right in front of him.

There was a moment of utter silence that followed. Kensi could see the eyes of the man and Deeks meet. She tried to slowly move up to back Deeks up but, she was too slow. Looking at the man, she could have sworn she saw his eyes dilate and even nod his head a fraction. She turned to look at Deeks just in time to see his fist clench.

A sudden round house punch met with the man's face. The reaction wasn't what she expected. Instead of yelling or pulling out a gun, the man shook his head and approached Deeks this time throwing several punches back.

She could tell that the fight was Deeks' right from the start but, she had to give the man credit; he knew what he was doing. Several punches made contact with Deeks as with the other man. It was when the man realized that he didn't have a chance of coming out alive when his hand slipped into his pocket. It was here that time started to slow for Kensi.

Pulling his hand back out of his pocket, Kensi saw the man holding a handle of a blade. His thumb sliding upwards and pressing a button, a silver blade unsheathed itself. Realizing what was about to happen, Kensi made the second mistake and shouted to Deeks to move away.

Too late.

Deeks had already sent a huge knock out punch the man's cheek and there was no way to stop the momentum. The man expecting the punch, blocked with his left hand.

Absorbing the impact with his left hand, he moved his hand to Deeks shoulder and grabbed him. Before Deeks could do a thing, the man pulled him close and the flash of the silver blade buried itself in Deeks abdomen.

"DEEKS!" Kensi shouted. All the air she had left her lungs leaving her speechless and gasping for air. Her face went pale and her hands started to shake.

In front of her the man pushed Deeks away and pulled him close once again, burying the knife deep into Deeks. This time he twisted the handle to impose more pain onto the already suffering detective.

Finally letting go, the man released Deeks; his body now limp. Deeks staggered a few steps before falling to the ground with a sickening thud. Out of breath, the man turned and looked at Kensi. As if already knowing his faith, the man dropped the knife; its clattering breaking the silence of the night. The sound that followed was Kensi's gun firing itself 3 times before coming to a halt.

As the body of the dead man fell to the floor; she could clearly hear the men inside the building exit through the back of the building. That didn't matter to her anymore.

Tucking her gun in its holster, she ran over and slid to the limp body of her partner. Picking him up in her hands and cradling him, she could feel him shiver. Deeks inhaled deeply as the pool of blood around grew ridiculously. He blinked a few times as the tears from Kensi's eyes fell upon his face.

"Deeks…" She sobbed, "Everything will be all right. You will be fine you hear me? An ambulance is on the way. You _will not_ die on me. Deeks…" A finger stopped her from talking as she sobbed. Putting him on the ground, she applied pressure to the wound but, it only made it appear to bleed worse.

"I will _never_ let you go Fern" Those were the only words that fell from his mouth as Deeks' eyes fluttered. In her ear, Eric muttered that the ambulance was only minutes out from their location.

"Deeks, stay with me…" Sobbed Kensi gently trying to shake the life back into Deeks. A murmur was her only reply as his eyes fluttered closed with a sudden intake of air.

Sobbing harder and louder, Kensi slid her fingers onto his neck to desperately find a pulse. She couldn't find one beat. Just the cold skin of her partner.

Rocking back, Kensi screamed to the Gods above begging for them to restore the life back into her partner. There were so many things that she needed to tell him. That he was the one that kept her sane during their emotionally draining job. That she woke up in the morning looking forward to hearing his surfer drawl and seeing his smile. That she, was slowly, _falling for him_. Heck, she already had fallen for him.

Crying loudly she held him in her arms; the sound of distance ambulances filled the quiet night.

**A.N: Hope you all enjoyed reading. I promise this story has an upside. I will update whenever I have time as I am a student. Please don't forget to leave a review as it will encourage me to write the next chapter faster. :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A.N: Thank you all for the support. Due to the encouragement, I started this chapter the day after I published chapter one. Don't forget to review! It helps me a lot. On to the next chapter!**

There sat Kensi on one of those plastic chairs in the emergency ward of the hospital; the smell of disinfectants and other chemicals making her feel dizzy and had only been a few moments ago that she had burst through the doors of the emergency ward with her partner Deeks, unnaturally pale, on a gurney.

It had only been a few minutes ago the ambulance arrived at the warehouse but for Kensi, it had seemed like a year. After her screaming and yelling she realized that there was nothing she could do for him except to try to keep him alive for as long as possible. She could remember clearly wiping her tears away and lying him back down on the cold asphalt, putting pressure on his bleeding stab wounds. She remembered how he promised to never let her go. He couldn't break a promise. Could he? She remembered how his eyes came to a dramatic close and how she howled to the gods after that.

He couldn't go now. There was so much she needed to tell him. So much that she should have said such a long time ago. Now, she might never get to say it again. She just couldn't afford to lose him. Not now. Not ever.

It was the slight tap on her should that distracted her from her staring contest with the white tiles on the hospital floor. Looking up, she could see the worried gaze of Callen upon her. Quickly diverting her gaze so that Callen could not see her red and puffy eyes, she cleared her throat. Lifting his hand from her shoulder slowly, Callen took the seat next to her.

"It's all right to cry Kens. We all understand and we all are worried too. He has gone into surgery now and the doctor should be out soon to talk with us. Everything should be fine." Putting his right hand on her back, Callen tried to comfort her. Desperately wanting to believe Callen, Kensi turned and tried to given him the slightest smile but failed miserably.

Turning away again, Kensi sniffed and wiped her eyes on the ends of her bloodied sweater. She really wanted to believe Callen but, after what see saw she just couldn't. She saw how much he bled. Not wanting to admit it, she knew that it would be a miracle if Deeks came out of this alive.

"There was just so much blood, G. You don't understand how much came out of him. You weren't there. When the ambulance came, he was already shivering and he was surrounded in a blood pool." Whispered Kensi, her voice quivering. "Look at me Callen. Look at my clothes. Look at how much of it is Deeks. For Gods sake, look at how much I am wearing is my partner. How can somebody survive so much blood loss?"

Ducking his head down and looking at the floor, Callen was just lost for words. What was he meant to say to that? How was he meant to comfort her when her reply was just as pessimistic?

Standing up, Kensi straightened her clothes out and pressed down her slightly hair messed hair. Not that it mattered to her anymore. In the room just down the hall was her injured partner fighting for his life. She couldn't give a crap what she looked like anymore. She just needed him back. He needed to be okay. _She _needed _him_ to be okay.

Spotting the women's bathroom just down the hall, Kensi excused herself from the company of Callen. As much as she appreciated the gesture, she needed the time alone. So, with a brisk pace, she off down the hall. Each step she took felt heavy with the guilt of leaving her partner alone in surgery fighting for his life.

Gripping the silver handle of the door, Kensi pushed the door open to the bathroom. The steady spinning of the bathroom fans greeted her along with an even stronger smell of disinfectant solutions.

Walking over to the sinks, Kensi held onto the counter and leaned on it with all her weight. Closing her eyes, she prayed to the gods that her partner be safe and to make it out of surgery alive.

She had never been much of a religious person in her life. After the day that the military police came to deliver the news of her father's death, she lost all faith and hope in any god. It didn't help either when Jack had left her that Christmas morning.

The sudden rush of emotions were just too much for her. Tightening her eyes shut and gasping for air; small droplets of tears started to drop one by one from her eyes. Too much had happened too fast for her. She had let her walls down too far and now she had gotten hurt. She had gotten too close and attached to her partner. She knew that this would eventually happen. She had known the consequences but, it all felt too good to let go of. For once she had a man back in her life that valued her and was there for her. A man that respected her and didn't treat her domestically. A man that didn't treat her like any type of women. She tried to ignore it but deep down inside she knew that what she had found was special.

Opening her eyes, Kensi looked up from the sink and looked ahead at the mirror in front of her. She saw a women who was hurting and who was scared. This didn't mean that she liked to admit it. She was meant to be strong. As Deeks would have put it, she was meant to be _'Bad-ass Blye'._ She wasn't meant to show emotions like this.

Taking a deep breath, she stood up straight and wiped the tears from her eyes. She opened the tap and let the cool water run down the side of the sink and into the drain. She placed her hands under the flow and let the cool, crystal-like water, and let it wash all her troubles away. She lathered her hands with soap and rubbed them together throughly; rubbing her hands free of all the dried blood that was on it. She cupped her hands under the water and leaning forward, brought her hands to her face, washing it and cooling her hot skin.

Returning to her standing straight position, she went over to the paper towel dispenser and pulled a few pieces out. Wiping her face, she managed to control her breathing.

The towel wet, she threw the piece into the mouth of the trash can. Slightly dazed from everything, Kensi leant backwards against the cold, hard tiles behind her. Looking down at her hands, see could see the bits of dried blood under her nails that she had failed to get rid of. Failed.

She had failed. She had failed to protect her partner. She should of been there by his side helping him. Instead she had frozen and let him get himself into a fight. She should have taken the shot when she had the chance. Should of, could of, would of. All things that could have happened but didn't.

_"The worried look isn't a good look for you fern."_ A familiar voice rang out in her head

She smiled at the sound of her partner's voice inside of her head. Turning her head to look to her left, she could practically see the light ghost figure of her partner leaning against one of the toilet stalls. He hair was as curly as it always was and he was dressed has he had just come from his evening jogs along the beach. Just by the look she could already smell him. She laughed at the fact that it didn't matter that she was in the ladies room for him to appear. _Typical Deeks._

"Well, you didn't have to get stabbed now did you? If it wasn't for you, I could be at home watching some more Top Model I had recorded." She tried to scold. Just being able to talk to Deeks again, even if it was in her head, was comforting.

Laughing, the ghostly Deeks walked towards Kensi. Coming to a stop in front of her, Kensi felt her breath hitch. She mentally shook her head at how pathetic she felt.

_"Kensi, I did this for you. Remember, I will never let you go." _And with that, the ghost Deeks took a step away from Kensi and walked straight through the door.

Kensi, a little dazed, put her hand out to feel the air in front of her where her ghost partner had just been standing. Releasing a held breath, Kensi blinked once or twice as she came back down to reality. Rubbing her face, Kensi looked at her watch. She had been in the bathroom for 20 minutes already. The surgery would have surely finished by now. Right?

Pulling once again of the silver handle of the bathroom door, Kensi excited the room. She looked much better than what she went in looking as.

The sight that greeted her as she looked down the hall was Callen, Hetty and Sam talking to one of the doctors. Increasing her pace, Kensi tried her best to not brake out into a sprint down the hallway.

The slightly shorter man was still dressed in his blue scrubs and the gleam of sweat could been seen on his head even from down the hall. Kensi's breath hitched once again as she saw the state of his clothes. From his chest down, he was coated in dark red blood. Presumably, Deek's blood.

Being a skilled lip reader, Kensi tried her best to try and make out what was being said but despite her best efforts, she failed.

Nodding his head, the doctor took leave of the three agents he had been talking too. Wanting to talk to the doctors herself, as well as not being able to walk any faster, Kensi broke into a light jog as she tried to meet up with the others as fast as possible.

"Hetty, how is he? How was the surgery? When is it all right for me to see him?" Fired off Kensi as soon as she reached her boss' position. She talked fast not wanting to waste another moment.

Turning around, Hetty revealed her extremely pale face. It was all Kensi needed to start expected the worst.

"Hetty? What's wrong? Hetty? Talk to me Hetty!" Kensi said her voice starting to increase. She tried her best but, slowly her emotions started to boil over her normally well contained walls. Looking at the small woman dressed in burgundy, Kensi braced herself for the news. It was to her surprise that Sam stepped in.

"K-Kensi," Sam started, clearing his throat, "Deeks, um, Deeks…"

"Just tell me Sam. I can handle this!" The waiting was the main thing killing. The longer she didn't know about the faith of her partner, the more it killed her.

"Kensi," Sam took a breath, "The doctors tried their best. Deeks bled out of the operation table before they could even start to operate. Kensi, Deeks is gone. He's dead, Kens. I am so sorry."

With that last word that fell out of Sam's mouth, Kensi's world collapsed around her. She felt her knees weaken and she struggled to stand straight on her own. Leaning to the side, she gripped the chair that was next to her. Shivering and cold, a lone yet loud sob slipped past her mouth and rocked her chest.

Deeks couldn't be gone. No. He had promised never to leave. He was her partner. He wasn't aloud to leave. She needed him. She couldn't go on without him.

It was beneath the tears and sobs in that moment that Kensi realized something that she failed to admit a long time ago. Something she should have acknowledged. She was in love. She was in love with Marty Deeks.

**A.N: That's the end of chapter 2. I really hope you all like it. I sort of have a plot all thought out so the happy parts will come when they are needed. Once again, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed. Don't forget to leave a review as it encourages me. **


	3. Chapter 3

**A.N: Thanks for all the reviews! To those who are leaving because of a character death, don't forget that there will be a happy ending. Think about the story a bit more and you might be able to figure it out what has happened. Anyway, go ahead and enjoy the story! Don't forget to leave a review as well!**

The sound of the rain hitting against the umbrella rang loud in Kensi's ears. It didn't rain often in LA but, when it did, it was the worst kind possible. In the background, a priest could be heard giving the final words of the funeral procession. On the ground a muddy hole could be seen; slowly filling up with muddy water. Above the hole was a casket; the casket in which lay resting Kensi's partner. Kensi's lifeless partner. The one who had his life taken away from him by the quick insertion of a silver blade into his abdomen.

Kensi stood to the right of the casket; Sam and Callen both dressed in black suits by her sides. She was dressed in a simple black dress. It wasn't the most fashionable dress' and it wasn't one that Hetty had given to her; it was her own. Wearing something that actually belonged to her, gave Kensi the feeling of actually being there at the funeral. That she, Kensi Marie Blye, was there at the funeral. Not one of her many alias that she had assumed. That she was there as a real person.

Next to Callen stood Hetty. She had been surprisingly calm through the entire ordeal. After Sam had told Kensi about Deeks, Hetty made sure that Kensi was given the space she needed. Later on Kensi realized that Hetty, being the older woman in the team and having lost many men before, understood somewhat of what she was going through.

Kensi stared into the casket; the sounds around her just low muffles. She had already been through the first step of grieving. Denial. She remembered how in the hospital, when Sam had told her the news, how she fought it and told the others to stop playing a stupid joke on her. She remembered their worried gazes were glued onto her and how they reassured her that they were not playing a cruel joke on her. She remembered gripping Callen, begging him to tell her the truth. To tell her that this was all just a joke.

She remembered going through the second step as well; pain and guilt. She remembered how she had ran back into the women's bathroom of the hospital. How she cried and how deep down her heart felt. She had remembered that the last time she had felt this badly hurt was when Jack had left her and when her father was pronounced dead. Among all the bad things that she had ever experienced, this came pretty close to the top. She also remembered how she blamed herself for what had happened to him. How she was his partner and how she was meant to make sure that he would go home safely at the end of each day. How she had failed.

She remembered the last and most recent step that she had been on as well; anger and bargaining. She had finally realized what had happened to Deeks and it had torn her apart. She remembered being in the bathroom of her house when it hit her again; the fact that her partner was dead. She had fallen to the floor in fits of tears and sobs, begging for him back. Kensi had never been a religious person but, as she sat on that floor, she bargained with whatever Gods there might be to give back her partner's life. To give back the most important man of her life back.

The movement of the people around her is what brought Kensi back to her surroundings. Callen and Sam had stepped forward as well as two other men from the LAPD standing across from them. As the Father said the last words, each man grabbed a handle and slowly lowered the casket into the hole. A soft splash was heard as the men left the casket fall the final fell inches to the ground.

Clearing her throat to prevent her from breaking down again, Kensi looked away from the casket and to the sky. This, Deeks being dead, was really happening. Unlike the many things that happened in her life, this was real.

Slowly the crowd around her dispersed and before Kensi noticed it, she was alone by the hole. Looking down at the gap in the ground, Kensi felt her eyes start to well up with water. She had tried but, she just couldn't hold it back anymore. A lone tear fell from her eye and hit the already soaked ground. It was a hand her back that distracted Kensi from her grief.

Turning around she saw it was Hetty. She was dressed well and as expected, she was much more classier than Kensi. She was wearing a burgundy colored pants with a dark colored patterned top. Looking down at her, Hetty's light brown rimmed glasses bore into Kensi's eyes. Just in the one moment, Kensi understood how much Hetty had been worried about her.

A small, faltering smile, came to the little woman's face as she turned away from Kensi to look at the casket.

"Grief can be a burden, but also an anchor. You get used to the weight, how it holds you in place." The silence that followed was deafening. "What I'm trying to say is, Kensi, try to turn this grief into motivation. You will find that this is what will keep you sane in a crazy job like ours." Hetty turned to the casket; her gaze not focused particularly anywhere.

"I have lost many men in the field but, Mr. Deeks was very different. Don't get me wrong Ms. Blye but, the way I felt about other agents are different to what I feel now. Everyone else that I worked with were very professional; some were even the best in the field. Mr. Deeks, well, Mr. Deeks, was different because of his personality. He came in the mornings with a smile on his face despite what happened on a previous op or despite what the whether was like. He lived life because he loved it. He treated everyone the same. He knew what was right and wrong. He knew the risks he took everyday. That includes taking the surveillance task with you." Looking up from the casket, the wise woman tried to explain herself better.

"I just saying Kensi, that this isn't your fault. You need to stop the grief you are going through and turn it into something else. Anything else, just not grief." A nod of her head was all Kensi could manage; at that time she did not trust her voice. With a small nod as well, Hetty turned around and started to walk away. She was only a few steps away when she stopped in her tracks and spoke.

"Even though you might deny it, Ms. Blye, we all know how you both felt for each other. We all saw it. We all felt it. We all knew it. That sort of love, never let it go. Despite what happens in life." And with that the little woman was gone.

At this Kensi let a little smile slip through. It was just for that one moment that she felt normal again.

_"That's better fern, smile a bit, lighten up." _Came a voice inside of her head.

Looking to her side the pale and ghostly figure of her partner, Marty Deeks, appeared. He was dressed in his everyday clothes. She took a deep breath and for a second her eyes fluttered closed as his musty smell filled her nose. Even though he appeared pale she could still see the surfers tan that he had always had.

"How am I meant to smile Deeks? You're not here with me. You are inside of that casket. You left me." At this she turned her body to face him completely. "You promised Deeks. You promised to never let me go."

The man in front of her smiled even more at this.

_"It sounds like somebody is missing me. Am I right Sugar Bear? Wishing you could have your wicked way with me now? Aw, it actually warms my heart." _

A smile comes to her lips again as she lifts her fist up to punch him in the shoulder. She stops half way as she remembers that he isn't really there and that this is just a part of her imagination. Seeing the attempt and failure, Deeks' smile widens.

_"Just another benefit of being a ghost of your imagination" _

As the words left his lips, Kensi's gaze fell to floor as she focused on keeping composed. Her eyes were red and itching. She wasn't used to being this emotional. She saw two pale feet shuffle forward and she felt her face tilt up as Deeks' cupped her cold cheek.

_"Fern, you look beautiful. You will be just fine without me. Badass-Blye doesn't need me. Just remember that I will always watch over you." _And with that and a soft gust of wind, he was gone leaving Kensi standing alone in the graveyard.

"But, I love you" She whispered. There was no reply. No response. No witty comment. Nothing. No Deeks.

With a heavy breath and a deep sigh, Kensi pulled out the handkerchief she had been holding and dampened down her wet red eyes. It was after she had put them back into her little black clutch that she notice a man standing under the tree in the distance.

He was dressed in some familiar baggy clothes in the shade of brown and grey. He didn't have an umbrella to protect him from the wind and rain and as a result Kensi could see how wet he was. Even though he was quite a distance away the man seemed familiar. It wasn't too hard for Kensi to realize that the man was staring directly at her, after all she was the only one around.

Thinking for a second whether to acknowledge the man or not, Kensi raised her hand half way to her side and waved slightly. The reaction she got was not as she had expected.

Instead of a wave back or some other form of acknowledgement, the man continued to look at her for another second before he looked down and pulled out his dark shades and disappeared behind the tree. Shaking her head, Kensi dismissed the man as one of those creeps who walks around a graveyard looking for woman to pounce on - if those type of people even existed.

Even then Kensi couldn't ignore the fact that the man had triggered some sort of memory in Kensi's mind, something she couldn't really put her finger on. The man had seemed like someone she had known before. His height and body build, even the way he stood, all made her feel familiar with the man even though she didn't know who he was.

It was then that a thought came across the mind. She regarded it for a second but, let it go immediately. It was impossible. Not likely at all. Those types of things didn't happen.

So it was with a final wipe of her eyes and goodbye to her partner, that Kensi turned around and walked away from the burial. Away from the person she loved the most.

**A.N: Thanks for reading and I hope you all enjoyed it. I personally think that the ending could have been better but, I was kinda of rushing to get it out to you guys so you could have a nice read. Anyway, please leave a review and any comments about what you think is happening. Have a good one! **


	4. Chapter 4

**A.N: Once again thanks for all the fantastic reviews and I am glad that there are people enjoying this. Sorry for the long update time but, life had gotten in the way. School is out and I should have some time to write now. This chapter is mainly just a reflection on how Kensi is feeling and it has a little bit to do with the overall plot. I might end the story soon but, if you have any ideas please leave them in the reviews. Don't forget to leave a review after you read. Thanks!**

The bright morning light was the only source of light that luminated the dark bedroom Kensi slept in. A small snore and low murmur of the television was all that could be heard. The room was in a sore state and worse than usual. There were clothes scattered everywhere and a rotten smell of old take out could be smelt as well.

It had been a week since the incident. One week since her partner had gone. One week since her partner had been killed. It had been one week since she left that cemetery and her partner; willing for a new start. She had tried her best but, the sight of Deeks coming crashing to the ground with blood emitting from his abdomen was just to much to just forget. His smile, his face, his everything. She was a fool for thinking it was going to be easy to move on. Deeks wasen't just her partner.

She missed having him next to her. She missed him cracking stupid jokes. She missed his indirect compliments at her. She missed his flirting. She missied him.

Everyday that had gone by without him seemed more dull and gloomy. She started to find her job that bit harder. She found herself laughing less and working more.

They were still working on the case that Deeks had left them on. After the stabbing, the remaining members of the group had been caught and taken in for questioning. It had turned out that the leader of the group was not there himself. There was only the second in charge at the bust they had made. Not good enough.

Kensi had volunteered to do the interogation and no one had been stupid enough to stop her. She had marched in, sat down and opened the convicted man's file. It was when she raised her head from the file to meet the man's face that everything started to go downhill.

He had a small smirk on his face and his bound hands rested in his lap. He slowly bent forward so that his face was only a few inches away from Kensi's.

_"I hope your partner enjoys his journey down to hell." _The words fell from his mouth like a meteor hitting earth.

The next few moments were just a blur to Kensi. She could only remember how infuriated she had been as she stood up and gave the guy a strong hook across his jaw. The satisfaction was short lived as the man fell to the floor and as Callen and Sam broke down the door to pull Kensi out. Needless to say, she didn't do any of the other interrogations.

The death of Deeks had become a driving force behind the current case for Kensi. It made her put in that little bit extra. That little bit more to make sure that he died for a reason. That his death brought about justice in the world that he had lived.

It was the shrill sound of an alarm clock beeping next to her head that woke Kensi up from her sorry excuse of sleep. Immediately hitting the alram clock, the repeated beeping stopped. From under the covers she emerged; her hair in a sorry state and her eyes red and puffy.

Unwillingly, she pulled herself forward and she sat up looking around the room. She strained her eyes as she gained some focus of her surroundings. It was at the start of each day for a few moments, that everything would feel alright. It would be a minute or so later when she came around to her senses that she would remember everything. She would pick up her phone and see that there was no message from her partner.

Rubbing her eyes free of sleep, she flung her legs over the side of the bed and stood up. She knew that staying in bed and reflecting on the past few days would only bring back the unwanted emotions she had. The last thing she wanted to do was cry first thing in the morning. She had already done enought of that for the past few days.

Pushing forward, one foot after the other, Kensi made her way to her bathroom. On the way she picked up the clothes that were scattered around the room in different piles. It was only after a few minutes of shifting through those piles that she found something that she hadn't already worn that week.

Pulling the grey LAPD shirt off from her head, Kensi kept it to the side and tried to ignore the smell of Deeks that quickly came and went. Standing infront of the mirror just in her plain black bra, Kensi bent forward slightly and opened the cold water tap. The constant flow of water filled the small bathrom. Placing her hands under the flow of water, Kensi cupped her hands and brought it to her face. The feeling of the cold water againist her skin instantly woke her up. She felt awake again. She felt like she had never gone to sleep. For a sceond, everything seemed fine and she was filled with energy again.

Standing up straight again, Kensi brought a towel to her face and patted her face dry. Throwing the towel onto the hanger that hung to the side of her, Kensi turned on the water to her shower. Letting the water heat up, she stripped her self of her tracksuit pants and the rest of her undergarments.

The water now producing steam and radiating some heat, Kensi opened the door to the shower and stepped inside. Standing directly under the stream of water, she closed her eyes and let the warm liquid wash away all of her life problems at the moment. It was in that moment that salty tears mixed with the warm water that rushed down her face. It was in that moment, in the privacy of her bathroom, that the vunerably Kensi emerged once again.

The sun had just rose above the horizon when Kensi had finished with the shower. She had dressed up in her traditional blue jeans and white tank top along with a brown leather jacket. She had worn her hair down, wavy. She had stood in front of the mirror and applied her make up. She had been paying less attention to the way she looked; whether it was subconsciously or not. She didn't have to dress up well anymore; she had no one that she needed to impress. That person was long gone.

It was a quarter to nine when she finally stepped out of the bathroom. Throwing her used clothes on her bed as she left her room, she steped into the kitchen and started to raid her cupboards for some breakfast. To her despair she could only find the healthy cereals stashed away. It was when she started to search the second cupboard that she found her precious twinkies. Those things would be the death of her; literally.

Picking up the packet, a small smile graced her face; something that didn't happen often these days. She instantly remembered the teasing voice of Deeks in her head telling her how much of a sweet tooth she had. She also remembered her natural reply to his statement; it was normally just a punch to his shoulder.

The smiled dropped as she rememebered once again that Deeks wasen't with her. She realized that it was the small things like that, that she had taken for granted. Now, she would never get to experience that again. She would never hear his teasing voice again. She almost felt bad for all those times she had told him to shut up.

Ripping open that wrapping to the twinkie and taking a bite, Kensi sat down on the grey worn out couch in the middle of her living room. She picked up her everyday heels that she wore to work that lay to the side of the couch. Slipping them on quickly, she risked a glance to the clock to check that she was on time to work. Surprised with herself and realizing that she was ahead of her normal time, Kensi picked up her bag fished for her house keys.

Opening the door and slipping outside, Kensi closed the door behind her and locked the door. Picking up her bag again, she put her keys away and put the bag on her shoulder.

Walking down the steps of her apartment complex Kensi started to take the short walk to her car. It was only a five minute walk from the apartment complex she lived in to her designated parking space. It was while walking something caught her eye.

Just opposite to the complex she lived in, was parked a black SUV with black tinted windows. The car still appeared to be new but, the worn out tires were a dead giveaway. The drivers side window was rolled halfway down and a man with aviator sunglasses looked over. His hair was not the tidiest and it seemed familiar. Stopping mid step, Kensi stopped to get a better view at the car and the man inside.

The sight of the man took her breath away as it remindered her of someone. Squinting to get a better look at the man, the two gazes locked. It was then, when the two eyes met, that the tinted window of the car rolled up and the engine of the car roared to life.

Knowing what the driver was about to do, Kensi slowly came to her senses and started to move to the car slowly. She knew this was risky as she didn't have a gun and that things could definately go bad quickly.

The car jerked backwards and Kensi started a quick jog towards the car in an attempt to get the driver to stop. Tires screaching, the car lurched forwards and started to drive straight towards Kensi. Wanting to get a look at thhe driver, Kensi stopped and watched as the car drove past her swiftly. Watching the driver side window, what she saw took her breath away.

The sihouette behind the window was of a man she thought of as dead. It couldn't possible be. Could it?

**A.N: Finally done. I felt this chapter wasen't as good as the other but, towards the end I just wanted to get it done so you guys had something to read. Most might get the plot now but, NO SPOILERS for anybody. Please don't forget the leave a review as it really encourages me to write more! Thanks!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A.N: Once again thank you all for the great reviews. I am glad that most of you are enjoying the chapters and are asking for more. I think I have a small idea where I am going to take the plot so I hope you enjoy where I take it. Don't forget to leave a review! And by the way, this one might be a little short.**

Placing her bag down on her desk, Kensi took a deep breath. It was still early at OSP and the warm morning light graced her wooden, messy desk. Streching, Kensi could feel the warm light against her skin. The warmth of the sun made her feel happy and energised. The few seconds of warmth was savoured as best as possible as the sun hid behind a cloud. Typical LA.

The lack of warmth brought Kensi back down to her normal self and surroundings. She remembered that she was back at work and the day was still new and just beginning. She looked around and made sure no one had just seen her in her girly state. Since when did Kensi Blye strech in the comfort of the sun and smile? That was something that Deeks would tease her about.

Deeks.

The sudden memory of that morning came flooding back. It had been on her mind the entire way to work. Her mind had been kicked into fifth gear as she tried to connect the blurly red dots. All the theories that she had come up with were just too unbelieveable. She had seen him get stabbed. She had seen the blood. She had seen the casket. She was there when he was buried. It just wasn't possible.

Even with all of this pulsing though her head, she just couldn't ignore the similarities. The way the man in the car had stared and the way he looked; it seemed so familiar. His hair, his face, his everything. That wasn't even the kicker. When Kensi had run up to the car as it drove past her, the face that drove past held too much of a familiar essence. The face looked too much like Deeks. Even though the windows were tinted, Kensi could clearly see the resemblence. The jaw line, the sitting posture, the defined shoulders, everything. Just the small encounter had her creeped out.

It was the distant sound of the OSP gate closing that brought kensi and her mind back down to earth. Slightly shaking her head, Kensi pulled out her laptop and set it down on her desk. She opened it and pressed the power button just in time to catch Sam and Callen walk through into the bullpen.

"Morning Kens" was the synchonrised greeting tht she recieved from both the men. They both looked like they could do with some more sleep.

Standing up and moving to the front of her desk, they both earned a small nod that told them that she acknowledged them.

Since the death of their co-worker, the mood between the team had been quite solemn. There had been a cease of jokes and banter between Sam and Callen and eveyone acted a little bit more... controlled. At least when they were infront of Kensi. Nell and Eric had been joking one day and when Kensi stepped in their laughing and chatter stopped immediately. It seemed that they all had been able to move on in their lives after the death of Deeks. This had filled Kensi with different emotions. Half of Kensi wanted to be happy for them but, the other half of her wanted to be angry at them for forgeting Deeks so fast. How was it that everyone else could more on but, she was left still reeling from the incident?

It seemed that todays mood wasn't going to change either. Trying to make conversation, Kensi walked over to the middle of the bullpen and tried to talk to the two partners.

"So what you guys been up too? It dosen't look like you too have gotten much sleep." Kensi started off. Creating conversation was harder that she thought. "Callen looks like he has been coffee deprived."

She could tell that the joke had fallen flat. A certain someone had told her that she had a terrible sense of humor.

"We just came back from a joint NCIS and LAPD raid. We managed to finally the leader of the cartel. We sort of surprised him you could say." Sam replied looking at Callen.

"We can expect an operation summary as soon as Hetty gets in." Finished Callen.

Kensi looked at the filled with both hurt and anger. She hadn't been told about any raid. Why was she not there? If it meant catching the man that had something to do with Deeks' death, she should have been there.

"Why wasn't I told about the raid? I am still apart of this team! I should have been there with you guys. I would have been the back up!" She argued, her voice raising. Standing up Callen walked over and placed his two hands on each sides of her shoulders.

"Kens, after that interrogation," Callen paused and took a breath. "We all thought that it would be better that you did he paper work for this case. we all understand what you are going through at the moment." Shrugging his hands off her shoulders, Kensi didn't let it go that quickly.

"Still Callen, I should have been there." She said in a small, quiet voice. Loooking up at Callen she tried her best to translate her hurt at him. She could see he understood when the frown above his eyebrows decreased.

Suddenly a shrill whistle pireced the air. Looking up to the source of the sound, Kensi saw Eric. He was dressed as per usual. Traditional surfer look with brown baggy shorts and white v-neck tee. In his right hand a tablet PC and in his left the whistle.

"Hetty's holding a meeting." No greeting, just a message. Good old Eric. And with that, the slim profile of the tech analysist disappeared.

Looking back at Callen, Kensi nodded. It was a small confirmation that told him that everything was okay. With that, Kensi took the lead as the group marched upstairs taking each step by two.

The group gathered around the large OSP screen as the two tech analysists stood to the side. It was after they had all settled that the small figure of Hetty appeared. Just the presence of the petite brunette procured silence. Suddenly all eyes were set on the screen and everyone was paying attention. Looking at each of her agents, Hetty began.

"It was at 6:00 this morning that Agents Hanna and Callen, along with the co-operation of the LAPD managed to apprehend Martino Fernandez. As you all know, this is the man that we have been after for quite some while. When we caught him, we found him in quite a state."

Gesturing to Nell, a pixelated video from a helmet cam appear on screen. On screen was a grey door and to the sides, Callen and Sam could be seen getting ready to breach. Holding up three fingers, Kensi saw Callen count down slowly. As soon as the last finger disappeared and the countdown finished, Sam kicked the door down and Callen could bee seen going in; his assault rifle ready to be fired. To Kensi's suurprise, there was no gunshots; just shouting. The vision of the camera had become impaired as people running started to kick up dust. It was when the dust settled that the camera depicted the sight of Martino in his bedroom.

Martino was on the floor with zipties binding his hands, shouting. He was dressed only in his red boxers. On his bed lay his shocked and bare wife. Trying to hide a smirk, Kensi watched as the women scurried to find a sheet of fabric to cover herself with.

The video coming to end, Eric pulled it down and Hetty carried on.

"As you can see, we caught Mr. Fernandez in a pretty compromised position. Overall, the mission was a success and I would like to congratulate you all on a job well done. I know this case has put alot of us under stress and I would like to thank you for your tolerance." With this everyone murmured in agreement. Holding up her hands to stop the chatter, Hetty continued.

"Before you all go and start to celebrate, I have a something special for you all. In particular, Ms. Blye."

Looking at her co-workers, Kensi started to wonder what was about to happen. Looking at Callen and Sam, she mentally asked what was happening. She only recieved the standard issue serious stare from the two and then a quick look away from her. It was like their feet and eyes were glued to the floor. Turning to Nell and Eric, she recieved the same thing.

As a final resort, Kensi turned and looked questionly at her Operations Manager. Kensi's mind was for the second time that day kicked into fifth gear as she quickly tried to assumed what was about to happen. None of the theories were any good. Was she about to get her new partner?

Nodding, Hetty lifted her hand and gestured to the door.

"Could we please all welcome back our old friend and our newest agent, Mr. Marty Deeks."

**A.N: WOW! How is that for a cliffhanger? I hope you all enjoyed. Don't forget to leave a review as well to make my day! **

**I have been thinking about something for the last few days. I was wondering whether anyone was interested in doing a community writing project. The story would be a multi chapter story updated every week on this account with each chapter written by a different person. There would be no set story line which is why I thought this would be such a great idea. If anyone is interested please leave it in the reviews or private message me. Even if you think that this is a stupid idea, leave a review with what you think. If enought people ar interested, I will leave more details in the next chapter. Once again, thank you!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A.N: Thanks everyone for the great reviews and all. Hopefull the story will come to a close shortly. For information on the community writing project, go to the authors note at the bottom of the page. As well as this, sorry for the long time between uploads as I have been very busy. School has just started again and its being a pain in the backside. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this next chapter!**

* * *

The words hung in the air dramatically before falling flat on the floor. The silence in the room was deafening as the sounds of the computers working away filled the entire room.

Turning to face the doors of OSP, Kensi turned around. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion at this point for Kensi. The black wooden doors parted and through it emerged the figure of the one and only Detective Marty Deeks.

Just the sight of him made her feel that he was never gone. He was wearing a black jacket on top of a light grey t-shirt. All of this was then finished of by his signature blue jeans. Just the sight of him made Kensi's breath hitch for a second. It was after that little hitch in her breath that everything started to make sense to her. His stabbing, his death, his funeral; everything.

The silence in the room continued to deafen as Kensi took few steps towards her resurrected partner. Kensi could feel her eyes start to well up and redden as the final pieces of the puzzle started to click into place inside her mind. It was at this point that Kensi changed from her vunerable self to her angry self.

Blinking rapidly, Kensi looked deep within her partners baby blue eyes. She could see eyerything. She could see the hurt and sorrow that he was trying to convey. This time it was just too much. Just those baby blues wouldn't cut it. He had made mistakes before but, this was just too far. This was just too personal.

"Kens," was the first word that came out his mouth. He had normally said that when the two of them were alone but, not today. At that moment, for both the partners, they were the only people standing in that room. There was no Callen, Sam, Hetty, Nell or Eric. It was just them. Alone.

Clenching and unclenching her hands by her side, Kensi tried to focus on her breathing and controlling her actions and emotions. There were many situations that were playing out in her head; none of them ended up ending well for Deeks. She had just got him back and even though she was angry at him, she couldn't do anything like that.

In. Out. In. Out.

Kensi tried her best to control herself but, the inner beast had already been awoken from its slumber. Kensi saw Deeks mouth slowly opened to continue talking but, he was shortly interupted.

The only thing Kensi could remember was the force of which her fist connected with Deeks' jaw as well as the shouts of Callen and Sam behind her. She knew why she did it and she hoped Deeks knew that it was well deserved.

The tears that were once held back behind her eyes now ran clearly down her cheeks, rubbing off her makeup and eyeliner. Wiping the tears away quickly, she half ran out of the room leaving her team calling after her.

All those people in the room behind her had betrayed her. What they had been holding back from her, hurt her. The wound that had been created wasn't just a simply scratch; it was a deep cutting wound. It had penertrated her walls and had hit her emotions hard. Hell, she had even admitted that she loved the guy. That was something that she couldn't do easily.

The part that aggravated her the most was the fact that Deeks had nothing to say. He had nothing to say about the operation. He had nothing to say about their partnership. He had nothing to say about their 'thing'. Well, he might have had something to say if she had let him talk.

* * *

Not bothering to hide her tears as she jogged down the stairs of OSP, Kensi quickly made her way to the gym. On the way there she stopped by the lockers quickly and changed into her training clothes. Putting her hair in a simply ponytail, she wiped away the tear marks and started to lay into the boxing back that hung in front of her.

Left, right, uppercut, knee. Left, right, uppercut, knee.

The continous pattern was the mantra that ran throught Kensi's mind as she stood there fighting the bag of sand. Each punch contained all the hurt that she had gone through as well as all the anger that se felt. All thoughts of what had just been revealed had left her mind. All that mattered to her at that moment was that boxing bag. Nothing could distract her. Not even De...

It was at that moment that Kensi was aware of someone watching her. Out of the corner of her eye she could see the figure of the last man she wanted to see. She knew who it was but, she didn't want to acknowledge it.

Trying to continue her boxing routine, Kensi tried her best to get back into the zone she had just been in. Just the bag and her.

One, two, three, four. She wasn't surprised when she struggled to get back into the right state of mind. But, being Kensi Blye, she didn't give in. Repeatedly, she punched the bag; out of time and constantly messing up. She could only focus on the person watching her as well as the metaphorical elephant in the room.

Finally giving in, Kensi stopped the bag and held it steady while leaning her head againist it. She needed a brake before confronting all the emotions that were sure to follow soon. Closing her eyes, she let the calmness of a blank mind flow easily over her. She slowly managed to get her steady breathing back. Checking over her bubbling emotions one last time, she opened her eyes and turned around.

It was as soon as she turned around that she knew that none of what she just did was worth it. Just by looking at her partner, she was instantly filled with unnessary emotions and her eyes started to burn again. She remembered everything, from the time Deeks had died in her arms to the second he had walked back into OSP. At her sides, her fists started to clench and unclench with every breath that she took.

Her eyes started to examine him from bottom to top and that was when she saw his face. It was at this time that she remembered that she had punched him. Coincidentally her hand started to hurt at the same time.

Her mouth slightly parted as she realized the purple bruise on the right side of his face. His cheek had become swollen. His features didn't seem right with the colorful lump on his face. Slowly, Kensi started to come down from her anger and realized what she had done to him.

Kensi felt like a hormone filled teen in high school as a whole new series of emotions started to rush over her. A whole lot of emotions that she knew she shoudln't be feeling. Deeks had done the wrong thing, not her. She shouldn't be the one feeling guilty. He should. Whatever she had done, he deserved it. Right?

It was that small pep talk that pushed Kensi once again over the edge. She had gone from calm to mad in a space of a few seconds. Those damn emotions.

"Kens, you can't ignore this. I need to talk to..." Deeks started. He had disturbed the silence that had once been in the gym.

"Deeks, first I talk and you listen." Kensi said. Her voice was firm and her stance was intimidating.

"Kensi, please, I really..." Deeks tried.

"No Deeks. _You_ played me, now _you_ listen." Kensi said her voice raising. She had made up the distance between the two of them and was currently fronting on Deeks. He wanted to talk about it? Well, this was it.

* * *

**A.N: Finally done! I am so sorry for the delay. It was just that with school back , I am really busy. I felt that my writing and this chapter could have been better but, leave in the reviews what you think! Speaking of reviews dont forget to leave one! Continue read for the community writing project. Thanks!**

**As for the Community writing project (CWP), I haven't recieved enough expression of interest. If I haven't recieved any intrest by the end of this story then I guess it won't happen. If you are interested, please contact me via Private Message. Thanks!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A.N: I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LONG DELAY. There is a lot for me to explain and I just need it to get out of the way. First of all, the reason there was no updates was mainly due to the fact that school has consumed my life. I had absolutely no time to write. Secondly, this chapter is not written by me. This is written by the fantastic who when asked, accepted the challenge. Following the criteria I sent to her, she was able to put something beautiful together. If it wasn't for her, then you would not have anything to read for a while. Third, this is the final chapter and I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I did when sent it to me. Please go and check her out as she is an amazing writer. All credit goes to her. Now, enough jibber jabber, continue on to the epic finale.**

"I thought you were dead."

It sounded like a line from a cliche adventure flick, but it was the bare and simple truth. Kensi had thought in every way that her partner, her Deeks, had been stolen away forever. It didn't seem to matter that she'd always known either one of them could die on the job. It didn't make his funeral any easier, it didn't make her life any lighter. All she had felt was the weight of a casket bound to her heart.

Why he would do that to her was beyond her fathoming.

Well, the question wasn't really "why?" so much as "how?". Why had he done it? For the job. But how, how had he found it in him to trick her like that? Kensi didn't know. So she asked him.

"How could you do this to me?!" she demanded. "Deeks, we're partners! I thought you learned something when you had to pretend to be fired - you. Can. Trust. Me."

Deeks averted his eyes and moved his gaze subtly to the window. Kensi stepped right into his new line of sight. "You're not getting out of this!"

"Kens..."

"Listen to me, Deeks," she pleaded, but the razor-edge on her voice was beginning to dull slightly. "Please. Do you have any idea what I had to go through? At the warehouse? At the hospital? At your funeral?"

"No," he murmured, lowering his eyes and running a hand down his chin and wincing as his palm brushed the fresh bruise. "I don't ever want to have an idea, Kens."

"So how could you do that to me?"

"You think I wanted to?" he shot back, his voice matching the anger in hers. "That I woke up and thought, 'Let's have Kensi think I'm dead'? Because I didn't! I would never do that to you. Not if I didn't have to, Kens. But I did."

He surprised her by throwing a punch of his own at the bag that hung from the ceiling. "I hate this job."

Kensi's firmly-set jaw slackened and her critical eyes softened. "Deeks...can you just explain what happened?"

He sighed and raked a finger through his mussed hair. "Come here."

They walked over to a bench against the gym wall and sat down next to each other. Kensi wished she could stay furious at him, but her fiery anger simmered a little as she sat close enough to feel his heat. It just felt so good, so impossibly wonderful, to feel him beside her. A sensation she expected never to have, a face she never expected to see, a man she never expected would come home. She'd felt like one of the Navy wives whose husbands' murders the team had solved. Those sailors never returned, and those wives never saw them alive. How had Kensi gotten so incredibly lucky?

"You know that NCIS has been chasing a dangerous gang called the Russell Vipers."

"Yeah," Kensi nodded. "They've been bouncing from city to city around the US, recruiting Marines and Navy enlisted officers as members. Hasn't NCIS had a few scrapes with them?"

"More than a few," Deeks affirmed. "But their leader is a guy called Harold MacGuff, and he knows what he's doing."

"Former Leavenworth inmate," recalled Kensi. "He got out a couple of years ago, right? Dishonorable discharge?"

"Right. Anyway, MacGuff settled the Vipers in L.A. about a month ago. To get more intel, we sent an NCIS agent called Drewstill undercover as a potential Marines recruit. Vipers made him an offer before you could say 'hoorah'."

Kensi allowed herself a tiny smile at his humor.

"So Drewstill took a beating at his initiation, but he hung in there. He was only in the gang for a couple of weeks before he sent us back a report that MacGuff was planning revenge for the Vipers' encounters with NCIS. They were going to launch an attack on the OSP."

Kensi inhaled sharply, eyes widening in alarm. "On the OSP? How big of an attack were they planning?"

"Pretty big, according to Drewstill," replied Deeks. "They were packing a lot more firearms and explosives that we'd guessed."

"But why didn't anyone tell me about this?"

"Because that wasn't all they wanted with the OSP, Kens. Drewstill told us about a plot to...to kidnap you."

Kensi closed her eyes tightly and felt Deeks reluctantly take her hand. She tried to process the information he'd just given her. How could a couple of sentences throw her off so fast?

But she had to think quick, because Deeks wasn't done talking yet.

"We think they were going to use the ransom money as major funds for their gang. We decided against telling you about their scheme because if it looked like you knew, they would have known they'd been made. And it wouldn't have taken long for them to connect the dots and figure out Drewstill was our agent."

Kensi nodded slowly, comprehending. "But why'd you have to fake your death?"

"To solidify Drewstill's cover," answered Deeks.

"Wait a minute. You mean the assailant with the knife that killed you...he was-"

"Agent Jacob Drewstill. Yeah."

"But...you died!" she found herself choking up again but forced herself to ignore it. Crying was for the weak, but she felt pretty defeated thinking about her empty feeling recently. "You bled all over me. What'd you do, get stabbed and find a donor?"

"This is the part where it's convenient to live near Hollywood," Deeks said. "It's called a squib jacket. You stab it, and boom: you're dead. But not really. If that was true, there'd be a lot of dead actors. Which, if you think about it, might not be such a bad-"

"Deeks!" interrupted Kensi. "You were wearing a squib jacket? All Drewstill had to do was poke you?"

"Well, with a sharp object," Deeks admitted. "But he made it look pretty convincing."

"Yeah," she murmured quietly, eyes traveling downwards. "He did."

She lapsed into silence for a long moment before stating, "But I think it was worth this whole awful week, if it meant Drewstill wasn't found out. I'm guessing he got more intel to NCIS, and that's how Callen and Sam caught MacGuff during the raid this morning?" Deeks nodded. "That's good. That's great. And I'm glad, Deeks." She sighed. "It was just a really awful week, that's all."

Deeks shifted his hand in hers, holding hers tighter. "I'm sorry, Kens. Here." With his free hand, he pulled an object out of his jeans pocket. It was a rectangular scrap of notebook paper that had been scribbled on with a pen. "It's a Free Fake Death Deception coupon. Next time, you get to be the dead one."

Kensi laughed for the first time in what felt like...well, too long. "Okay," she agreed. "I hope I don't have to use it."

As his partner read the details he'd printed on the coupon, Deeks said, "You know, I was watching you the whole time."

"You were?" she asked in surprise, looking up at him.

"That weird dude under the tree at the funeral?" he reminded her. "I can't believe you didn't recognize me. Hello? Awesome shades? Who else wears shades that awesome? And of course, I was the guy in the car, too."

"Yeah, that much I guessed," said Kensi. "Wasn't it weird when you attended your own funeral?"

Deeks thought about it for a moment. "A little. The fake body in the casket was kind of creepy. I can't believe nobody noticed it was fake. My hair does not look that bad."

She laughed again.

"So, did you say anything sappy at my funeral, Kens? I couldn't get close enough to hear my own eulogy, which really stunk. I mean, how many people actually get to hear their eulogies?"

"Deeks, I can assure you, I didn't say anything sappy," Kensi said, lying through her teeth. That conversation with Deeks's imagined ghost...she shivered and relented. Last week, he was stabbed and faked his own death. But next week, it may not be a squib jacket.

"Well, maybe I said a couple of things."

"Like what?" he asked, perking like a dog that's being fed.

Kensi took a deep breath. "Things like how much I missed you."

He waited for more.

"And how you promised never to let me go."

Deeks's smile drooped at the corners, but he didn't interrupt.

The junior agent swallowed. "And...um...and about..."

Deeks squeezed her hand as if to remind her that this time, he wasn't a ghost of her imagination. He was flesh and bone. Not only could he listen, but he could react. He could respond.

"About how I love you."

If her heart wasn't pounding, she'd find the way his eyes bugged rather amusing. She'd think the way sweat glistened on his neck was rather hilarious. She'd consider the way his grip on her hand loosened a little in shock rather funny. But right now, she was as nervous as he.

But at about the time they kissed, neither was scared anymore.

When they broke apart, Deeks whispered, "You need to know something, Kens."

"This isn't about a crazy ex, right?"

"Nope."

"Then go on."

"No matter what happens to me," he began. "Whether I'm really stabbed or it's just a stunt, you need to know that I'd leave you. Just cause I wouldn't be alive doesn't mean you wouldn't always be on my mind. I meant it Kensi...

...I will never let you go."

**A.N: There you go. I hope you enjoyed it. The journey has been fantastic and this first NCIs: LA fanfic has been so well received. Please don't forget to review. Once again, don't forget to check out and her awesome stories. Thank You!**


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